i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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