I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
