what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
