I want to make a zoo with you.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
