I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
