my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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