Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
