Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
