I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
