I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize