I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
