i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
