I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
