And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
