so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
