we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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