Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
