If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
