Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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