bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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