I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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