had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
