Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
