hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
