WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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