..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
