imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
