I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my shit smells like andre
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I would fuck him just for his dog
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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