you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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