Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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