Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
