Swine flu is the new snow day.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
