ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
