So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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