On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
