Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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