i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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