You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
