The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
