Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
