If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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