How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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