Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
