Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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