i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
