i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
