even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
