So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
