It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
