If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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