drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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