you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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