Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
