i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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