Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
