You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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