Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
