There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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