Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
