If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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