I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So much rum. So many feels.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
