i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
