What a fucking waste of an outfit
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
