playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
